Thursday, September 22, 2016

Living with Senioritis

It has taken 21 years, but I am finally hitting into my youth. The catalyst was a stage four diagnosis of senioritis. Yeah, senioritis, that phenomenon where a high school student's laziness overcomes them in their final year. It's so universally accepted in education that I have even heard college professors discuss "senioritis" as if it has any place outside of the frame of Urban Dictionary.

The thing is, I was spared in the senioritis epidemic my senior year of high school. Back in 2012-2013, I was an overachiever to the extreme with a nice little chunk of club titles under my belt, a love of all things school, and an annoying inability to be rebellious. I only missed one day of school while my sister skipped out on fourteen (She is a really good student. Don't let this fact misguide you.) At the time, I couldn't process how my peers were so fed up with a place that I felt so engaged at everyday.

That momentum continued in college. Every time an assignment opened I finished it within the day. If a big project was due in November, I was already working on it in August. It was not even a thought. Just do. I would craft several papers in a night, read text on the bus, and keep myself fueled with a hearty Italian's amount of caffeine.

Scholarship is the word. Not stress or excitement. I genuinely felt moved to learn for the sake of knowledge.

Except, this semester, I feel like your friend's fat, orange, cat who lazily acknowledges your presence when you come over. I'm tired. There is no fancy language or rhetoric I could use to layer that. I just am. And I shouldn't be. It doesn't make a shred of sense. Here I am at my Internship- the holy grail for Education Majors- and I am finding trouble putting on my rose colored glasses and getting the butterflies aflutter.

I'm slowing down, but my world isn't (Great song title for anyone looking for one). Everything should be overwhelming, but I am honestly just underwhelmed by it all. And that's hard, it's really hard because I have long term goals that are a lot more relevant to me that my short term desires.

So senioritis is real. (I'm already sensing the self-sabotage with that line if any future students find this blog post) But so is what you are working towards. I'm just pushing myself through it and even though I'm not at the pace I want to be at any progress is good progress. Getting stuff done is easy when you feel motivated, but not being motivated is no excuse for neglecting one's responsibilities. Being in a state of "meh" doesn't mean I get to take a detour or pause at the rest stop of my goals and dreams. If anything I have to grasp for those wants even more because I'm the only driver to get myself there. Wishing myself luck on the journey and, of course, thinking of you all too.

Trying not to have a super melodramatic post so I'll leave you with a cute sea horse I drew and painted. :)

5 comments:

  1. Thank you! The sea horse is free handed, but I was inspired by a similar design I saw online.

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  2. Olivia,

    I am so happy you feel this way, only because it makes me feel less crazy! I am the same way (as you know) and feel like I have just overworked myself and now, at the best part, I am just constantly exhausted. My weekends consist of getting as much sleep as possible which then puts me behind on my homework because my week is so busy! Hang in there though. We can be more than just blog accountability partners. Hopefully as internship 2 approaches we will get a burst of energy. We can see the finish line!! Sometimes we just need to be reminded about why this is all important.

    My friend that goes to Texas A&M just texted me the other day and told me that they watched a video on Seminole County because of the homeless rate (she is an elementary ed major). So just remember why we wake up and go to our internship everyday. You'll get out of your funk soon!

    Allison

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  3. It is rea1! Which is why it took me 7 years to get my doctorate rather than 3. But I didn't have it with every other schooling experience. I think it's important to go through this phrase whenever it hits! That way you develop more empathy for others, especially as a future teacher. There are myriad reasons as to why it hits, but it's real. Love the seahorse! Small wins each day toward the end goal.

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  4. It is rea1! Which is why it took me 7 years to get my doctorate rather than 3. But I didn't have it with every other schooling experience. I think it's important to go through this phrase whenever it hits! That way you develop more empathy for others, especially as a future teacher. There are myriad reasons as to why it hits, but it's real. Love the seahorse! Small wins each day toward the end goal.

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  5. like I would say when I was in high school, "the struggle is real". You are not alone in this, I too am in my senior year of collage and I feel the senioritis trying to kick in. The way I battle it is by taking much needed brakes. I too graduated in 2013 from high school, and at times feel unmotivated but thinking about what I truly want in life helps to at least "get [my] head in the game".

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